"I don't want to be a teenager because I don't want to get fat."

Last week I volunteered at a summer camp with kids from ages 3 to 11. We were walking back from a park and I was walking with an 11 year old named Kylie, when she said the above statement. She is the coolest 11 year old I've ever met. She was helpful with the little kids and I sometimes forgot she was only 11 because she acted so mature. As we walked back to the school building where the camp was being held she was telling me about her birthday coming up and about how she thinks she's going to be getting an iPhone. We talked about how it sucks to grow up and how we both we could be little kids again. When I asked her why she wasn't excited to be a teenager she said that she was afraid she would get fat. I became speechless, I did not know what to say. I was dumbstruck that the reason that this intelligent and funny girl did not want to grow up was because she didn't want to get fat. How messed up is that? I told her that just because she became a teenager didn't mean she would get fat, and if she did who cared. It is important to love yourself no matter what you look like or how much you weigh. I hate that this girl who I respect so much feels this way. I wish that I could remove these thoughts from any girls, and boys, who don't think they're good enough or all that matters is they way they look.
Everybody is unique and looks a different way and that is wonderful. I wish people would stop comparing themselves to others. I am by no means saying that I don't do it either, but I try to be as positive about myself and others everyday. I try to appreciate others for what they have and appreciate the different things that I have while not putting others down.

A Wrinkle in Time?

Today I was a time traveler. In the morning I took the dreaded ACT and I mean it could have been worse. I've never been a math and science person so those parts just always throw me off. We'll have to wait 5-8 weeks for the scores so for now I am free.
The ACT leads into college, which leads to the future. I'm terrified of the future mostly because I have no idea what I want to do. (I actually do, but is just isn't possible at this moment) Like I said in my last post at this time in my life every action I do is in some way responsible for my future.  So from an action that could decide my college career, which could determine my future (yikes!)  I went home and ate some left over Chinese food.
I then met up with my two best friends, and we headed over to my grade school's picnic. The layout has not changed in the many years that I've been going, which has been a lot. The same emcee announces bingo and all the games over a loud speaker, parents play carnival games with their little kids, and kids old enough to walk around without their parents go from ride to ride until they feel dizzy or actually get sick and need to retreat to their family's tent to lounge. The high school kids only show up after it is dark, because you're lame if you show up before then. The night ends with fireworks in the park and people gather on the hillside to watch. It is the perfect end to a great day. While I was only there for short spurts throughout the day I was often overcome with nostalgia  of previous picnics and how much things had changed in my life. I used to spend all day at the picnic, from the parade early in the morning to the fireworks late at night. I always dreamed of asking my crush on the Ferris wheel but never did. My best friend and I dreamt of having our first kisses while the fire works went on around us. None of that happened but those aspirations add to the fond memories I feel whenever I think of the school picnic. It reminds me of a time when I really didn't have anything to worry about, other than not puking after riding the Sizzler 5 times in a row.
I felt at home at the picnic today, but a home that I had outgrown. I talked to my 7th & 8th grade English teacher and talked to her about taking the ACT that morning and how strange it is that this is my life now. I am almost an adult and though I look back on my grade school days fondly they're only memories. As stressed as I am now I need to think that in a couple years I'll be wishing I was back in high-school.

Stressful Senior Summer

I've been on summer vacation for 2 weeks now, and after spending the first touring Connecticut and New York City with my school's choir, I've been at home with my thoughts. Even though summer is supposed to be a time of relaxation I am feeling a little stressed out. I've been studying to retake the ACT next Saturday, I've been filling out job applications so that I might be able to actually do fun things this summer, and I've been worrying about my upcoming senior year. Normal high school stuff, but I think writing it down will help me deal with it all weighing on my mind and might help me get some sleep. It is currently 5:37 am on Saturday morning and I have yet to go to sleep.

1. The ACT. This isn't the first time I've taken it, but I'm hoping it will be the last cause it is a pain. I took it the first time in April, the weekend my school's play was going on and being on costume crew I was involved with the show every night. I didn't prepare for the ACT because I wanted to see what my score would look like (also there just wasn't time), and not surprisingly it sucked. So alas the time came to sign up for the June ACT and there I was, filling out the questions again. This time I'm preparing, at least my dad bought me that big ACT practice book thing and I'm reading that and going to take some practices tests in the upcoming week. Time will tell how it goes.
2. A job. My parents flat out told me that if I want to do any activities this summer I need to pay for them myself. And I get it, they're putting one kid through college and another through a private high school so I do not hold these restrictions against them. But the job hunt is frustrating when you're seventeen and the only thing available is fast food and no matter how many applications you fill out you still don't get any replies. I'm trying, I want to be able to hang out with my friends this summer and go out to eat or have a fun shopping spree. So I'll fill out applications and hope that I'll get a job somewhere.
3. Senior Year. Now I am excited to be a senior don't get me wrong but it also scares me half to death too. In the fall I'm going to be the stage manager for my school's fall play and while that's a huge honor, it is also a huge responsibility. I'm in charge of every aspect of the show and I need to make sure it goes off without a hitch. With senior year also comes the thought of college and moving away from home, and while I've always been okay with the moving away from home part the actual thought of college freaks me out. How will I choose one? Will I get in? Can I afford it? 

So many thoughts and so many worries, I'm stressing and I shouldn't be. This is my summer vacation, the summer before my senior year. The best summer our of all the summer's ever. Today, well I guess technically it was yesterday but again I can't fall asleep, was National Donut Day. My two best friends and I drove to three different places to get donuts. The windows were down, the radio was on, and cares were nowhere to be found. It was the kind of carefree fun you see in movies and TV shows. That's how I want my summer to be: fun, spontaneous, and stress-free. Also, I'd like to be able to fall asleep.